RV Adventure

The other day I saw a vintage luggage tag that summed me up perfectly.
It read: “I Love Not Camping.”

It brought to mind our first trip in an RV. A long weekend in Maine seemed like the perfect trial run.

In four short days, here is what I learned:

• If your teenager has seen the movie “RV”, they will expect you to pull up in a 60’ fully loaded RV, complete with television and hot tub. When you pull up in the 15’ version that looks and drives like a refrigerated truck and has 1-800-RENT-ME on the side, you may want to have a back-up plan for the kids. They will make good on their promise to keep you equally miserable for the duration of the trip and quite possibly into the next millennium at the mere mention of RV’s.

• When you arrive at the campground, have one person take charge of choosing the perfect campsite right away. This will avoid 18 trips around in a circle arguing over which site looks the best. It will also eliminate having to duck down below the window for the 3rd – 18th trips around as you pass by the other campers who are now openly pointing and guffawing.

• Some camps have areas designated for different kinds of camping: one area for RV’s and another for tents. Usually an RV is too big for a campsite designated for tents. Should that not deter you from using a tent site, make sure you really don’t plan on going anywhere else for the rest of the weekend. Once you squeeze into that spot, only a crowbar will get you out!

• If you fire up the generator at 6 am after a sleepless night with your head smashed against the metal wall and your feet in the air because you parked on a slant, be prepared for a multitude of dirty looks from the other campers as you greet the dawn. Particularly if yours is the lone RV surrounded by tents.

• If you decide to have a shower, remember the RV is on a slant before the water runs away from the drain and into the rest of the RV. This will eliminate spending the rest of the weekend with the shampoo in your hair.

• Take 15 minutes to lay in the deserted road with your heads together and count the stars. This is what you will later overhear your teenagers telling their friends about their miserable weekend.

• Do not joke that there is an axe murderer hiding just over there in the pitch blackness. The kids will jump up and run back to the RV, leaving you to grope through the dark and desolate woods alone.

• A husband who gets excited about having a bed-toilet-refrigerator-TV on wheels also loves opportunities to jump out from behind trees pretending to be an axe murderer.

• Do not bring a gun – your brain rattling screams of terror will deter even the hardiest of real axe murderers within a 10 mile radius.

• With experience comes wisdom – and snazzy luggage tags that remind us of exactly who we are.